Lawyers I’ve Known

May 8, 2015

[Editor’s Note: Dave Grossi is a Calibre Press emeritus and a consummate professional with a wealth of experience that ranges from expert witness testimony to deep undercover work. His sense of humor might have something to do with his success. This is the first installment in a series about the various lawyers he’s worked with throughout his year–all hilarious! Enjoy.]

Southern lawyers are some of the funniest guys around. Being from New York, I find them to be very cordial, friendly and easygoing most of the time. A while back I had to go to up Alabama on a case. During my case review, it became apparent that a site inspection of the scene was needed. It just so happened that it worked out real well and I could visit the scene the day before my deposition was scheduled.

As I expected, this plaintiff’s attorney was a nice, friendly Southerner, and it wasn’t unusual to have him ask me to call him by his nickname: “Scrappy.” It seems this guy was a big-time football star both in high school and college and had earned the moniker based on his style of play. However, I take depositions seriously and always address opposing counsel as Mr. or Ms. regardless of their request to address them in a more familiar manner. So as the deposition progressed, I called my learned questioner either “Mr. Jones” or “Counselor.” Each time, he’d smile and say, “Please, call me Scrappy.”

The depo was going well since the opposing expert really screwed up his report, and during his deposition, which occurred a few weeks earlier, he had conceded to virtually all the defense points. So, I decided to have a little fun with ol’ Scrappy Jones.

After a few more times of being asked to please call him “Scrappy,” I inadvertently called him “Scruffy.”

“That’s Scrappy, Dave.”

“Oops. Sorry, sir.”

After the next series of questions, I inadvertently addressed him as “Snappy.”

“That’s Scrappy.”

“I’m sorry, sir.” After another hour, he was “Sparky.”

“That’s Scrappy!”

“Very sorry, Spanky.” By the end of the depo, he was “Snoopy,” and we no longer were best friends.

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