We received an influx of feedback from officers around the country who had been involved in shootings following our special series, Surviving the Aftermath of a Shooting. One such response was from Senior Agent Tracey Lee with the Lakewood (CO) Police Department who was involved in two suicide by cop shootings in six months. He shared unique insights into his experiences after the incidents. Here’s what he wrote:

“In 2019, I was involved in two shootings within 6 months. Fortunately, the suspects survived in both cases.  Some post-shooting areas I think are important to consider are understanding the value of support from command-level personnel, removing the stigma often perceived about seeing a psychological professional, and knowing what to expect if the person who was shot survives and there is a prosecution.

“Both of my shootings were suicide by cop attempts, and I experienced very different reactions to each them.  Following the first shooting, I spent a day trying to understand why someone would involve me in their suicide?  With the help of the psychologist, I quickly switched my focus to understanding my physical reactions during a life-threatening event that was over in 14 seconds.

“Following my second shooting, I had a great deal of anger toward the young man who threatened us with what he knew was not a real gun.  During my conversation with the psychologist, she asked about my efforts to save the man’s life after I (and two other officers) shot him.  I told her that the man was no longer a threat to us, and I could not allow him to lay there and bleed to death.

“The explanation for my anger was related to my own value for human life that was not shared by a person who wanted to commit suicide by forcing me to shoot him.  Following both shootings, I greatly benefited from talking to the psychologist and have since encouraged other officers to utilize their services.

“Several of us in my agency who have been in shootings refer to the “club we never wanted to join.” I have found it is important to reach out to officers involved in shootings and talk to them about what they can expect, from the physical reactions to the process they will go through before returning to work.  Once you join “the club” there is a responsibility to help the new members.

“Four days after the first shooting, the Chief of Police called me and expressed his support for my actions during the incident.  During the call the Chief said, “that guy had to be stopped.” That was the most important thing anyone said to me after the shooting.  I knew at that moment that what I had to do was exactly what the department expected, and I had their support.

I would encourage command officers to be especially aware of the impact they can have on an officer who has been involved in a shooting.  An act of leadership as simple as what my Chief said to me can make all the difference in the world.

“I think it is important for officers to be aware that they may not be able to completely put a shooting incident behind them until the court case is finished. The suspect in my first shooting spent more than two years in jail following the incident.  There were numerous court appearances before he eventually accepted a plea and was sentenced to 16 years in prison.  Preparing for each court appearance required me to remember the details of the shooting, read the reports and view videos of the incident.  I also dealt with a prosecution team who did not seem very motivated. They were new to the case after replacing the initial prosecutor who talked about the strong case and long prison terms. The second team expressed doubts about winning at trial.

The most important part of the prosecution was delivering my victim impact statement to the court; the only thing I could control.

“I hope this information can be of value to the subject of shooting incident aftermaths.”

If you have advice or insights you would like to share with fellow officers, please feel free to e-mail us at: editor@calibrepress.com